10 Myths of Grief Dispelled

Losing a loved one – a family member or friend – is so hard. Some people have more experience with this type of grief than others, but eventually it comes to all of us. The loss can feel overwhelming, impossible to face. Acknowledging that simple fact makes it easier to navigate the grieving process. So does understanding that common myths about grief can get in the way, because there is no right way to grieve.

So let’s dispel some of those myths and misconceptions right now.

1. You need to pull yourself together
No, you don’t. Personal loss is life-changing, but learning how to absorb that event and your feelings can change your life for the better. That takes time, and there is no set timeframe. Eventually, the pain will lessen as we remember our loved one but we will always feel the twinge of loss.

2. Time heals all wounds
Well-meaning friends and family members use this panacea to help soothe our grief, but the passage of time does not heal. What helps us heal is spending our grieving time acknowledging our true feelings and sharing stories of our now-passed loved one.

3. Every loss affects you the same way
Losing a child, a spouse, a friend, a co-worker – all are uniquely different experiences. Different people, different circumstances, perhaps a different time in your own life. However, understanding how to help yourself cope with grief can indeed help you find more comfort in the future.

4. People who share the same loss will grieve the same way
Just as one loss will affect you differently from the next, two people experiencing loss of the same loved one will grieve differently. Each of us has to find our own way through the process.

5. When a loved one dies, your relationship with that person ends
The bonds of love and friendship never break. The grieving process allows us to accept that someone has died, so we can then transition into a new kind of relationship with them in our hearts.

6. Crying and anger don’t help
Of course, you’re angry – someone important in your life has just been taken from you. You may be mad at God, at other people, even your lost loved one. This is a part of the grieving process that helps you accept the fact of your loss. Crying is a natural response that helps your body heal by relieving the pressure of all the pain you’re feeling. Repressing your feelings can negatively affect your health so let them out.

7. Talking about it will make you feel worse
Giving yourself permission to be mad and cry over the loss of your loved one is a good start. But talking to someone close to you – another family member, friend or your pastor – can be invaluable. Whether you talk about the person you lost and their importance to you or about the difficulties you’re having with your grief, there is tremendous solace in sharing. And, who knows? That person may well share with you their own experience with grief and how they worked through the process.

8. Feeling happy or going on with my life dishonors my loved one
Assuming you will never be happy again – or believing that your happiness is somehow a betrayal of your lost loved one keeps you mired in grief. The best way to honor the one you have lost is to keep them in your heart, recognizing how their life and their loss has changed your own life.

9. You’re grieving too long
Telling yourself (or letting someone else tell you) to be strong and get over it will only make matters worse. Bottling up your feelings or deciding to “deal with it later” only allow the pain to fester and grow, making you even more miserable. Emotional pain has to be treated, just like physical pain, for your mind and body to recover.

10. Everything about grief is negative
We have all heard the expression, “Laughter is the best medicine,” and it’s true. Life is filled with humorous moments, and feeling able to laugh at them is a relief and a release for your mind and spirit. And who would want to hold back the happy memories of your loved one that keep popping up, even as you grieve? Those memories will keep that person alive in your heart forever. It’s the reason so many funerals and memorial services focus on celebration of life!

11. Spiritual beliefs always bring comfort during times of loss (or, my faith has failed me)
The pain of loss can make us question our beliefs or wonder how a loving God could have allowed something this painful to happen to us. Yet, even our angry questioning is a prayer to God to help us understand our loss and help us through our grief.

Loss happens, and life goes on . . . but you are not alone
You grieve your loved one because of who they were. You grieve for yourself because they are physically gone from your life. It’s a natural and highly personal process that can help you maintain a healthy mind, body, and spirit as you move forward. Our Magnolia Manor Spiritual Care Team is here to help. It’s part of our spiritual commitment to residents and their families, even as we focus on life and the living. To learn more about life at Magnolia Manor, contact us online or give us a call at 1-855-540-LIFE (5433).